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| JOAN CONROW OFFICIAL WITCH OF KAUAI 2014 with her familiar, and Genetically modified object, Joni Rose Kamiyo. Aren't they Spooktacular! |
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Joan Con-row admits she likes Gary, then claims on her blog she doesn't. Earlier, a few blogposts back, she addressed the rumours that she had been jolted by Gary after making advances in his direction, and that these rumours were false. She also revealed she had been abused as a child by her father, and that an ex husband and both local, although we are not sure what local actually means to someone like Joan, or if she as well was also using the drug, or who these people are, or where they are from, or frankly if they really even exist. We also learned that there had been slights, that jimmy Trujillo had not listened to her at a bee keepers meeting something about a projector or something, and that Gary Hoosier had answered a question not completely to her satisfaction one time, and that this is what has spurned her spewing of crap from her blog, which is now, of course, a GMO shill blog, more then likely paid for by GMO corporations. Joan is also, officially NOT a "greenie", or an "environmentalist", nor a "sportsnut" either. She recently stopped making her "flowery", although mostly plagiarized from we are sure the latest magazine lying around her house on flowery prose, or maybe not, who knows, in any rate her brain can't be bothered to write them anymore. The reason that she gave is that the mean greenies were mean to her, so she stopped. mhhmm Joan really, Joan, really? Our crack reporting staff has heard rumours that the material was plagiarized! But who knows what is the truth anymore, right?The Greenies, and the fistees, and the hoose, and all of the baby hoos, and all of the little woodland animals were mean to you? Gosh bgosh! We feel so bad for you! Of course its just a bowl of delirious
Didja miss us? We are back! Our crack staff is buckling down for
the long wet winter, and having brought them all to heel, our editor is
cracking the whip.
But we are cracking up a lot more at
Joan Conrows Cracking up! Yes, ragers, we finally got her good. We got
her to expose the soft, deep painful underbelly of her obsessions, her
lost loves, her hurts, her betrayals, her miscommunications on the road
of totalitarian regimes, known to Joan as "LISTEN TO ME YOU DMANED
BEEEYATTCHESSSS!!"
Think we are kidding? Look, man, for
three months her blog has been such a YAWN, we couldn't even find
anything to post about it. Same thing over and over again, same anon
posters saying the same damned thing, it was making us throw up, get a
fever, and feel like crap.
But then we realizes those are the symptoms that can get you locked in a room for a very long time, and we werent into it.
So, we took our probioctics, and ate our kale, and got back into the swing of things.
Some
of our staffers infiltrated the blog, blogging from various anon places
around the island to actually post into her blog. They had a lot of
fun. Some staffers reporte4d that there posts went through, while other
staffers comments got ditched.
Don't worry we have them all.
But
the best post is Joan's 2 part confessional, and then going after the
mild mannered long time pacifist Edward Cole, a respected Kauai
Community College Professor, and of course, Jimmy Trujillo, another
great guy that works at the college. he is also a bee keeper. Joan
thinks our staff is Jimmy which cracks us up. We wish we were Jimmy! He
has cool hair and the best bees in the world! Ok, well our female
staffers don't wish they were Jimmy. But we otherwise digress.
There is plenty more slop in the pail that is Joan Conrows brain. She has ditched freinds, and gone to not only the dark side, or the snark side, but the snide, conniving, vengeful, I hate You side, and then keeps whining on her blog about how there is this horrible divide on this island between Haole and local, and only locals like GMO's. no, not THOSE locals, but those OTHER locals. you know, the ones employed by Syngenta, Pioneer, and whomever else is on our island. heck there may be 50 GMO companies, who knows.
Then, she reams tourism, and denies that tourism means anything to us, nor employs anything, and alludes, that only GMO's are the right job to have, and has stopped her pretending to even try and be pono by trying to hijack yet another Hawaiian cause as something SHE did, namely the Naue Brescia protest, even though everyone knows that was Edens Huff, another woman who also surfs. Maybe Joan hates surfers? Maybe one ran her over in the water one time? Sounds like there are some serious mental health issues going on with this one.
Then she goes and says that the "greenies" were hatin on her. so NOW the cats out of the bag...so she hates greenies. We knew it all along. hippies, Hawaiians, and locals that don't agree with her...these are the ones she claims are so stupid and dumb that they can be easily led by Gary Hooser, who is according to her, the Antichrist personified.
Why you ask? Because the With of mean, stated that Gary once did not answer her question to her liking. This, she states, was it for her, and she launched her campaign to ruin his career. She also began to ream on a local college professor, whose wife sits on the board of KIUC, something we all know that Joan wanted. A journalism professorship at the college, and a seat on the KIUC board. Ok, we don't all know that, but thats the rumor. Didn't say it was true, just said its a rumor. Who cares, we are puttin it out there. We know you are jealous Joan, that is why green fits you so perfectly.
So, moving on, here is our historical overview of red shirt vs blue just so we can keep the divide going just like Joan. Only ours is way more funnier. Blue shirts and red shirts alike will enjoy our brilliant humour as we go back...back...back in time....
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| A modern.Blue Shirt Laments the imminent loss of her job, because her company may have to report to the community what they are spraying. At least that's what the company execs told her, and she believed them. She packed her bags and left right away, to give the company as little grief as possible. Because she loves them and they love her. But what is the real history of blue shirt vs red shirt? let's find out. |
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| A blue shirt in the sacred ancient cornfields is visited by an angel from heaven, who gifts the poor farmer with the sacred DNA code for corn, thus allowing them to create the first GMO's. |
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| GMO headquarters in the 15th century. Pristine, pure, calm. No protesters anywhere |
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| Ancient redshirts begin to subjugate the poor working class blue shirts making them their servants, as they led lives of riches and glory |
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| At an ancient redshirt gathering the first organic food is harvested and eaten, while a unicorn and game are hunted, living off the fat of the land |
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| A redshirt afternoon tea party in ancient times where the wanton women dance and kick up their heels. This is the ancient beginnings of Babes against bio tech! |
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| An ancient gathering to discuss strategy |
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| An ancient rally of blue shirts and red shirts on the front lawn of an ancient government building before a meeting |
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| An indolent, lazy hippie redshirt demands more wine, at an inn run by a poor blueshirt |
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| Ancient redshirts, wealthy and enjoying their organic fruits and veggies! For shame! |
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| Momi Carmonas ancient ancestor showing a flash of ankle way back in the 14th century! Momi, for shame, girl! LOL! |
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| two blueshirt angels, protect blue shirt workers from evil, dastardly redshirts! |
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| Redshirts and blueshirts whirl around bumping into each other, before a 19hour marathon meeting in an ancient meeting hall |
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| Add captionRedshirts try to sway the opinion and ideals of a sacred blue shirt woman, who is later canonized Saint Ilovegmos Cecilia |
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| A lazy rfich, wealthy landowning woman enjoys the labours of her blue shirt servant |
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| A blueshirt woman cares for a dairy cow, from the dairy back in the days before Mahaulepu |
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| Joan Con-row ancient ancestor bemoans her fate, humanity, and redshirts, while aimlessly gloating on a river of morose monotonous despair. Not much has changed, 500 years later. |
Joan Con-row in the early 18th century ancestor, writing the first blog
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| Joanette Conrowis circa early 18th century |
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| Add captionGary hooser ancient ancestor, GariusHooserus adressing the redshirts and blue shirts in ancient Rome |
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| A blueshirt secret strategy meeting in the early 17th century |
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| Rich, privileged redshirts and unicorns. So, this is where it started, people. Know we know |
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| A blue shirt strategy meeting, circa 1994, at the Lihue Airport before heading out to the west side |
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| early 18th century blue shirt parlor strategy meeting |
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| Ancient hoodlum redshirts destroying GMO crops in the 11 century |
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| Another relative of some of those BABS girls! For shame, she is showing her bloomers how scandalous and swinging on that swing in a very seductive manor! Those redshirt girls were always scandalous |
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| A tumultuous community meeting, with very little decorum. if you look closely you can see Tim's ancestor throwing a pencil |
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| Blue shirts and red shirts scoffing at each other., a community divided in the early 16th century |
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| Add captionBlue shirts and red shirts having scandalous secret rendezvous. |
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| A high and mighty holier then though red shirt rich women's cocktail party in the 1950's |
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| Red shirts enjoying their rich lifestyle while blue shirts toil away hard in the fields |
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| Hunting for blue shirts...rabbits that is. what did you think we meant shame on you guys |
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| Jeri Di Pietro distand cousin, Jeriette Di Pietrimus as reigning Queen of the redshirts |
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| A redshirt wife begs her rich husband not to vote GMO! |
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| blue shirts working hard while redshirts enjoy watching them work |
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| Red Shirt hero, Gary Augustus Superfamousus in ancient Rome enjoying hunting in a rich forest full of game. |
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| Joan Conrows ancient ancestor, Georgette Iamthebestus in the late 15th century gathering her admirers to her, and preaching to them |
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| The first blue shirt seal of war |
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| Blue shirts and red shirts not really getting along late 15th century early 16th century |
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| ancient historical figure, Garyus Joyus celebrating the victory after the hearing with crowds of applauding redshirts, as they march through the town |
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| The ancient redshirt rite of killing the unicorn. hence the unicorn and the redshirt will always be one |
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| We don't know who this is we just thought it was a cool painting of Medusa. our editor is a geek |
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| Forbidden red shirt blue shirt love |
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| blue shirt strategy meeting, 11 century |
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| Red shirts in an organic field gorging themselves on organic produce, bellies full of food while poor blue shirts go hungry in Africa |
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| Blue shirts and red shirts women scoff, cajole, and hiss at each other, but politely |
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| the redshirts detain a blue shirt infiltrator disguised as ancient ancestor of Gary Bynum...with hair. |
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| red shirts at an ancient farmers market refusing to buy GMO produce |
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| arms to arms red shirts and blue shirts skirmish on the ancient battlefields |
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| red shirts and blue shirts trying to be polite to each other and heal the breach in the early 17th century |
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| THe original ancestor of Joan Conrow, Saint Joan of GMO. |
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| a red shirt woman and her blue shirt servant |
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| two wealthy red shirt women disdainfully ignore a blue shirt woman trying to join their conversation in the early 16th century |
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And there ya have it kids. The real History. So, as you can see this battle has been going on for hundreds of years. now that you know the true history of the red shirt/blue shirt issue, we hope that you will all keep the snark coming. Otherwise we would have nothing to write about!
Then we would have to like, get real jobs or something.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
And congrats to all whose ancestors have given us so much records to go on, and thanks to our crack reporters for cracking their asses and digging up this crap.
Crapulence to one and all.
THE EDITOR
