ROCK DA VOTE, CHURCH OF GMO SCIENTOLOGY, JOAN CONROW HATES ON HIFB, OUR VOTING GUIDE

So, the Halloween candy has been consumed, and is now engorging your belly, got to get out to the bike-path and wear off that sugary crap, before Thanksgiving so you can engorge again, deflate, and then wait for X-mas, gorge, purge, get into a New Years Eve grinds-ville contest, engorge yet again and start the new year 50 pounds heavier, and h7ung over! Thats the GMO way, peeps. have you seen these people? I have no idea what they are serving these people in their cafeterias, but I guess consuming mass quantyities of GMO foods is certainly not good for the waistline!

Ok, we did say this was an Election Edition, but then we said the post 2 posts back was an election edition as well. Fact is peeps, we lied. Thats right, we meander where ever our pinhead brains wanna take us and we do  not give a crap if the tagline matches the actual blogpost. We learned this strategy from The Queen OF Green, Joan Conrow, or as others like to call her J.C. for short, as in the Second Coming. These guys claim that G.H, or Da Hoose, is the Antichrist, and that only J.C. can save them from him.

Fact is, we don't even think Joan is living here anymore, be3casue she stopped doing her "Prancing lady" trip  posts about tripping through the flowers every morning. Hey man, to us, it just sounds like Joan smokes a bowl before she goes outside, and sees pretty things. So, we went to her blog to find out what the scoop was, and found out that the "Greenies" were mean to her, so she stopped doing it. Now, see we reasoned, cuz yanno we are under the age of geriatric reasoning, that if Cool hand Joan  was actually on island, and actually walking in the morning she could accurately write those posts, but if she wasn't, just reading the weather forecast wouldn't cut it, cuz she has shit for an imagination, and can't really come up with anything good without plagiarizing the Silent Spring, which she claims she hates now because it is written by a woman way cooler then she is, and any woman that writes instead of her she reams  them until she thinks she drills them fulla holes like swiss cheese, baby.

Any Hoose, yeah we said Hoos, Joan has been pontificating about the election, and asking people about who they want, in between spilling her guts about stuff she really should put a sock in, like poor Arthur Brun's past. I mean come on, isn't she trying to get this guy elected? We think that was pretty stupid, and right after ragging about Barcas situation with his little "brawl", and "settlement". We aren't saying that either one of them should be proud of anything, but like we said before , the two issues are night and day. And seriously, some things, like peoples children, and past criminal behavior come on, really?


Ok, really. Really. Yeah, really. So, Joan wants you to think that you shouldn't vote for Barca because he got into ONE incident, which he p[aid dearly for and learned a lesson from. What a far cry from Joan Conrow, who consistently, tirelessly, endlessly, boringly, without end, and to the point where you jsut wanna throw up to read it again keeps saying that all redshirts are...wait for it wait for it...HOLIER THEN THOUGH SANCTIMONIOUS DO GOODERS!...BLAH BLAH BLAH AD NAUSEUM.

FUNNY THING IS, SEE IT'S REALLY JOAN WHO PLAYS THE PERFECTION HALL MONITOR, POINTING OUT FOIBLES OF EVERY SINGLE LITTLE TINY MINUTIA OF ANYONE'S LIFE THAT DIDN'T...WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT...LISTEN TO HER BEEEYATCHES!!

That's right, she hates Barca, so she reams him for his past, yet praises Arthur Brun for his. Ok, she doesn't praise what he did, but what he did and her having to explain it, and try to make him smell like roses, and make Barca smell like chocolaty goodness, forces her to make some big reveals about her supposed past, like how she was abused, in her childhood, by her husband and boyfreind who were both ice users. Nice. Way to go Joan, you sure can pick em. We got no sympathy for Joanie baby, because she just cannot stop revealing shit about people. We doubt that Arthur called up Joan and asked her, "Hey Joan can you write all about my meth addiction, and issues with court a week before the election/ I really think that will help me. And while you are at it, be sure to tell them that your endorsement is real strong, because you are a supposed domestic violence abuse survivor and both of your last partners in life were crackheads. Cuz I really think that kind of publicity is exactly what I need to win this campaign. it will make me look re4ally heroic and humble, and when you wrote that Barca's brawl would be the total nail in his coffin, and my getting my shit together would totally eclipse him getting his shit together I just had to call you and beg you to write all about me!'. Now, we know that NO SUCH CONVERSATION TOOK PLACE. We just cooked it up in our brains, but hey, it coulda happened in like an alternative universe where Arthur loses his mind, and his brain short circuited, but we doubt it.

So, from now on we are dedicating ourselves to finding out what the real scoop is with Joan. Like, who is her ex husband? Who was her ex boyfreind/ Does she have kids? Was she ever ticketed for jay Walking? Does she have a strange vendetta against HIFB, because she is on the board of HFB, and wants to dig up dirt on them, and discredit them? Check out her latest blogpost, be,low. And don't worry we are getting to the election part of this blogpost. When we damned well feel like it!

Friday, October 31, 2014

Musings: Thoroughly Tricked

It's Halloween, a time when people hide their true identity, pretend to be something they're not and beg for treats under threat of tricks. Which provides the perfect opportunity to rip the mask off the Kauai Independent Food Bank.

I've been hesitant to divulge the gore, thinking surely folks would wise up. But I had to say something after seeing one too many newspaper fluff pieces, especially those that include ignorant quotes from people who should know better:

Following Hurricane Iniki, there were two food banks on Kauai, said Rep. James Tokioka. One left, while the other, through the support of the community, remained.

Here's what really happened.

First, there was the Hawaii Food Bank (HFB), which was founded on Oahu in 1983. It expanded to Maui and Hawaii Island, and then came to Kauai in 1992 to assist after Hurricane Iniki.

In 1994, HFB helped set up a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization so Kauai could have its own food bank, like the other islands. It was called the Kauai Foodbank. HFB provided the Kauai start-up with grant funding, equipment, a warehouse lease and food. Over the years, HFB continued to support KFB with food and money, along with Maui and Hawaii Island.

HFB became aware that KFB had engaged in financial irregularities that jeopardized the Feeding America contract — the major source of food for food banks nationwide — for the entire state. In 2009, HFB officers — acting as Feeding America auditors — attempted to conduct a financial and operations audit of KFB. But they were stopped at the door by KFB staff and barred from completing their audit.

To protect the Feeding America contract, HFB completely severed its ties with Kauai Foodbank in 2010. KFB renamed itself the Kauai Independent Food Bank (KIFB). The KIFB board of directors eventually dumped executive director Judith Lenthall, but not before she talked a lot of shit, like how HFB had abandoned Kauai and “left us with debt” and “no food.” As I noted previously, and as these documents show, that is entirely false.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) also ended its contract with KIFB, as did Feeding America. Ultimately, KIFB was ordered to repay $779,393 to the state, and thousands more to the feds, because it had misused grant funds.

Meanwhile, in July 2010, HFB opened the Hawaii Foodbank – Kauai Branch in a modern new warehouse in Puhi. HFB wanted to ensure that needy Kauai residents would continue to get food, and it is mandated by its Feeding America contract to serve all four counties. 

Nearly all the food wholesalers and grocery stores on Kauai (Times/Big Save, Foodland, Safeway, Walmart, Kmart, Meadow Gold, Koa Trading, HFA, etc.), have chosen to donate their merchandise only to HFB-Kauai. Costco, shockingly, throws away everything but its baked goods.

Furthermore, HFB-Kauai is the sole conduit for the essential food support provided by the USDA and Feeding America. This is important, because if there's another hurricane, emergency supplies from those agencies will be distributed through HFB-Kauai only.

The churches, nonprofit organizations and other groups that run the major food pantries that distribute food directly to the needy also have aligned with HFB-Kauai.

Why? Because they are getting more food — 1,023,424 pounds in 2013, to be exact — and much better food from HFB-Kauai than was ever available at KIFB. Some of the church pantries were also repelled by KIFB's unethical business practices.

In a letter to the editor of TGI, the largest food pantries on Kauai explained why they had chosen HFB-Kauai over the KIFB:

HFB-Kauai has had an extremely positive impact on our food pantries since it opened its own Puhi warehouse in July 2010. We now have a steady, dependable source of quality food. We can always get fresh fruits and vegetables, along with dairy products, meats, canned foods and other packaged items.

Meanwhile, our costs have gone down dramatically because HFB-Kauai does not charge us for juice, dairy and many other items. HFB-Kauai also does regular “ohana drops” that distribute thousands of pounds of free food.

Since the agencies split in 2010, KIFB has been focusing on straightening out its legal problems and repaying its misused funds. Though it serves few beyond its school backpack program, it continues to promote a public charade that it's feeding the hungry, while using your cash donations to buy food at Costco. The Garden Island perpetuates the myth by constantly running publicity photos for KIFB.

Unfortunately, KIFB staff continue to talk stink and spread lies, like HFB collects money and food on Kauai and sends it to Oahu. In fact, the reverse is true. ALL food and money collected on Kauai stays here and is fortunately augmented by Oahu, because it's not enough to meet the growing demand.

Meanwhile, in the real world, HFB-Kauai Branch is doing ALL the heavy lifting in this community. It supplies nearly all the food that is distributed to the hungry on Kauai — an effort that is subsidized by Oahu. Real gratitude is due the Board of Directors and administration of HFB-Oahu for their commitment to Kauai.

KIFB manages to limp along only because Kauai folks have misplaced loyalty to the KIFB staff and board, and an unwarranted distrust of Oahu. Kauai residents are wasting precious resources by continuing to support an agency that is horribly inefficient and will never again be able to operate a viable food warehouse.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, folks, but when it comes to KIFB, you've been thoroughly tricked. KIFB is a ghost, with no substance or solidity. So quit rewarding its bad behavior by giving it treats, like money and food! Instead, help pick up the slack and donate to HawaiiFoodbank – Kauai Branch, where it will do the most good for the needy in this community.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Musings: "Red Shirt" Repeal

Kauai Councilmen Mel Rapozo and Ross Kagawa will introduce a bill to repeal Ordinance 960 — the county's controversial pesticide/GMO regulatory law — at the first Council meeting after the election.

Proposed Bill 2562 calls for repealing the hotly contested law from the county code. It's scheduled for first reading on the Nov. 5 Council agenda, which was just posted this afternoon.

In their communication submitting the proposed bill, Ross and Mel thank the Council in advance for its "thoughtful discussion of the matter."

Though Ordinance 960 was overturned by a federal court order, the Council voted to appeal the decision in court. Meanwhile, the county is enjoined from implementing the law, which imposed buffer zone and restricted use pesticide disclosure requirements on four seed companies and Kauai Coffee.

Proposed Bill 2562 would wipe the law off the books, rendering the appeal process essentially moot. Because even if it was upheld on appeal, the law would no longer exist.

Mel and Ross, who scored first and second, respectively, in the primary are assured of re-election. The only question now is whether voters will give them a majority to ensure passage of their repeal bill.

Police Chief and Council candidate Darryl Perry, meanwhile, issued a silly press release warning parents to inspect trick or treat bags for “marijuana-laced candies.” Though Darryl did acknowledge “it's highly unlikely that a child on Kaua‘i will receive this candy,” KPD just couldn't resist “reminding residents that it is illegal to consume non-medicinal marijuana in Hawaii.”

Yes, Chief, we know. And we won't forget to inspect the candy apples for razor blades, either.

ST JOAN CORNROW THE VIRGIN KAUAI

OK, so we threw in some extra bonus postings. That is because, as we all know, and it is going like wildfire and pesticides on the fourth of July through the Coconut Wireless to be at "THE meeting", on Weds. SO, we have a bit of grandstanding, one day after the elections? Hmm, so now we know what the marching orders were, kids. Makes you wonder what issue everyone will be getting elected in on 2016? Gotta love those term limits, or asap Joann Y calls them, "Fun little sabbaticals, before you get right back into office.". Um, yeah, ok, um right. NOT. Anyways, pretty much we are pulling out all the stops for Weds, and our entire staff will be at the County building, so if you wanna meet the Kauai Snarklectic staff, please come up to us, and introduce yourself, slip us the requisite fee of one hundred bucks, and we will write what ever you want! We aren't trying to price gauge, we just heard that's the going rate. Oh, since none of you know what our staff looks like, that could be a problem. oh well, sorry about that. maybe we won't attend after all. There is a Lucy re-run marathon on T.V. that day, I think! Never know though, we could be there. Although my staff tells me I have to leave the Darth Vader helmet at home. Fine, but I am still gonna talk like him........."Joan...I am your Uncle twice removed on your mothers side!". *Joke you won't get if you aren't a Jedi fan, and like chem-trails!)

JOAN CONROW IS INVOLVED WITH HFB, HENCE THE IMPORTANCE OF DESTROYING AND RAGING AND HOPEFULLY GETTING RID OF HIFB! Wow, Joan, you are awesome!

Moving on to the HIFB vs HFB...ok, we giveJoan props for not going into any territory that she has beaten ad nauseum, and we though, OMG! Joan has reformed and become human again! Not so fast, my little snarkie minions, then it dawned on us. Wait a second, isn't Joan involved with HFB? YEAH, she is, now wheres that pic. Give us a sec...wait for it wait for it...YES! here it is!

So, we sorta figured it out. Now, we aren't saying what Joan is revealing isn't true, it is. Is this some dirty shit? Sure it is! Joans revealing it, right before the election means what exactly? Well, see kids, XMASS is coming up, the holidays, blah. So, both Foodbanks will be asking for donations and food, ect. So, in order for both to get their share, Joan figures one will have to go. And it's gonna be the HIFB, if she has her way. Do we think this is a bad thing? We aren't sure yet. We will see who has the most tastiest food, and let you know. We will be sending out secret shoppers to check out both the HIFB and the HFB. Lucky for Joan she is squeeky clean, and so is the HFB! We thought the HIFB was under new management and doing a good job. But they didn't hire Joan, I guess, so they are on her shit list. There simply is not room on this island, for more then one foodbank, so count on Joan to besmirch the name of the HIFB...because that name "Independent' really pisses Joan off. Exdcept if it is ber, being, um "independent".

ELECTION STUFF BECASUE WE PROMISED 

Ok, kids, so here is the low down. We all know who is cool to vote for, so don't vote for uncool people. If you are tempted to vote for uncool, unhip, not in the loop loosers, here are some pics to remind you, that you are the beautiful people!

 

Remember, do not be disheartened by people that constantly call you crazy for not going to the GMO Church of Scientology! Remember that you are smart enough, pretty enough and gosh darn it deserving enough to not eat GMO's! Ever wonder why these people are like pitbulls, and keep saying that being a "greenie" is like a religion? Like saving the earth, and conserving resources is next to the most ungodly thing that you can be. Like being an environmentalist is like being the anti christ. That should tell you where these people are coming from. They are extreme lunatic fringe Everything is about GMO's some how, and can be blamed on people who do not want to eat GMO's. or want them labeled. They also like to make you think that you  are somehow "anti science for not believing them. like being anti science is the most worst thing you can be.

And then, on Sundays, all of the god fearing poor little GMO workers go to their local church and pray to GOD, JESUS, APPLE PIE AND THE AMERICAN RIGHT WING CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN WAY. WAIT, ARENT THESE THE SAME POEPLE THAT SAY YOU SHOULD;D TEACH CREATIONALISM IN SCHOOL IN A SCIENCE CLASS? SEE, WAY CRACKED, ARENT THEY?

SO, AS A GENERAL VOTER GUIDE, WE SAY, DON'T VOTE THE GMO SCIENTOLOGY FRINGE.

Ever

Yeap, you guessed it. If you like Zombies, vote for those Monsanto lovin electoral politicians this week, and you will be in Zombie heaven in no time at all! I mean after all, who doesn't like zombies? Zeek, one of my interns beat me at Zombie Speedway the other day. Sheesh was I pissed off. I hate when he beats me, in a MPG like that! But, I digress.

So, me and a couple of my staff members crashed a GMo Scientology meeting the other night. Holy crap man, that meeting was so scary! They were talking about "Sacred Triumvirate"s, and the Unholy Alliance, and all kinds of weird crap. We thought they were writing some new expose on the Vatican, but nope, they were trying to forge new alliances on a council that hasn't even been voted in yet, and making sure that everyone knows their lines real good after the election day.

And these people are ready to party lemme tell you, man they got VATS of champagne ready to go, and tonight we hear that they will be staying up all night to cook the special GMO foods that are being flown in from all of the countries that have banned them, as a special election treat!

So, if you wanna party with the real beautiful people, and the real people with the know how, an d the science, is to vote for all of the GMO candidates! That's right man, come on, it's not like we need anything else on Kauai! Forget those silly organic farms. They are trying to turn your mind to mush with their bug bitten rotten food! Turn away from sin, and come to the bright side of the road! GOGOGO( GMO! 

I mean, come on, shouldn't we be voting candidates in that understand that tourism is so boring, and all of these real estate agents have got to go! I mean, there is a whole new generation on Kauai whose only desire is to be human scarecrows out in the field! Zombie nation rise up, wake up and rise up!

If this scenario sounds uber awesome to you, you people know who to vote for!. if it doesn't, you all know damned well who not to vote for! Far be it for us to tell you nitwits what to do! We aren't here, to wipe your ass for ya, we just give you the chocolaty goodness you all crave!

You know you do, beyatches! Listen to meee! 

Party with Kauai Snarklectic election nite! Meet us in Kalalau, 5th hippie camp over where the trust fund babies hang out! No shaving underarms or using deodorant allowed! Real Estate agents and Cali people only! BYOG, and BYO...whatever else you think you need. park Ranger repellent will be supplied. Bring your own contraband! (THIS EVENT HAS BEEN CANCELLED. Sorry about that.)

Happy election keep on snarkin