See the amazing blogposts that earned her this coveted and exalted position in the firmament of the Snark Heavenly Assembly of Snark. There are even going to be a comet named after her, as well as several new small cold dark planets covered with ice, to be named reverently for Empress Bummedrow.
Joan really reams people well. You kind Wonder what is going on in her head as she types things out. We, at Kaua'i Snarklectic, are not exactly filled with sugarplums dancing in our heads when we envision what is really pouring out from her. We imagine a room, draped in black, and her wearing a long flowing robe, with a necklace of crows feet, and a crown of dead environmentalists heads atop her won, with gnarled hands and long curled black nails punching angrily at the keyboard, as the lone clickety clack sound echoes in the dark corridors of her poorly cared for mansion, while she eats a state bag of peanuts from her last flight to the mainland, and then arises from her computer screen, wading through the piles of stuff that is everywhere, old newspaper clippings and pictures of glory. Kinda like a "Baby Jane", scenario, with Fern Rosenthall in the Joan Crawford Character., and BABES agaisnt biotech locked up in the dungeons like snow white. "Ill get you yet my pretties!"
At the event, we imagine she was surrounded by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and Pope Benedict came with his red shoes, and all of the Corporations of the world came, and did homage to her by pushing the donation button on her blog ceremoniously while she was carried on the back of prominent native Hawaiians like Dustin Barca and Walter Ritte who had finally been put in their proper place at her feet where they belonged.
Ok wait...wake me up hurry!....
Thanks whew. That was really really scary. But of course it was a parody. Even if you like Joan ya gotta admit that was kinda funny.
Her posts though, not so much.
We don't even have to analyze them. They speak vo9lumes about this woman's character, motives, and demeanor, not to mention trustworthiness, and thruthiness.
It is not illegal to point out peoples flaws, as they seem to be in another persons eyes. Problem is, the people doing it, don't realize we can, do it right back, so with that said, i present to you, the sacred and holy screencaps of the Joan Conrow Blog Kaua'i Eclcetic, the veritable HOLY GRAIL OF SNARK BLOGS OF ALL TIME.
Bows and enters er exits stage left. Joan we invite you to comment on our blog anytime. Feel free. We won't moderate you. But, like it is on your blog, its our rules and our house. We will bash as we are bashed, and hug as we are hugged. So say it, Kauai Snarklectic, chaper 12 verse 17 LOL
THe Snark Gospel according to Snarklectic.
The snark creature, btw looks like the creature from the Apocalypse, if some of you don't know what a snark actually is.
Just sayin.
Here are the posts that made her a LEGEND!
Doesn't She look lovely? SO fresh and lovely. We will be posting all of the snarky comments she made about other women doing things that she doesn't approve on, later. Wait until you see the way she made fun of them!...She went after body parts, brain cells, looks, smells, everything. Wow. Truly she really is the Empress of Snark. We can't wait to show you. But now YOU know that Joan is a far cry from a sweet georgia peach herself, and really shouldn't be commenting on the looks of others.
ReplyDeleteBut give Bill Maher a stage for five minutes, and he could slice n dice her in 20 nanoseconds. (We are talking in a comedic stage routine, not in the literal sense. Grow up people! Our staff is more grown up then some of you. Your brains just go straight into the gutter don't they?Just sayin, people. She may be the Empress on Kauai, but it s a great big world out there, and out there, Joan is just a tiny little wrinkled old fish in a great big fleshy younger pond.
Kauai Snarklectic Publishing Team.