PART 2 ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY EDITION JOAN THE ORACLE JONI CAN'T FARM, KETTLES ARE FULL, DR AINA AND THE GIRL THAT SILENCED THE WORLD

OUR ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY AND 11 THOUSAND VIEWS LATER

EVERY BLOG POST JOAN CONROW HAS EVERY MADE

Well, did you think our Snarklectic team had abandoned you, our most snarkiest readers, and those that don't support them? Hell no, we were just off doing a 12 step program for Snarkists. Sad to say, it didn't work, and refreshed, and oh so enhanced we are back for even more chocolaty goodness! But, we want to pause, as all of our staff members gathered around our statue of the Mother Of Snark, Joan Conrow, and brought offerings of Herbicide and Pesticide sprayed flowers and grasses, and GMO grown food to the altar reverently. Chants and prayers were said in a decidedly non hippy way, and one of our staffers dressed up as Joan for the occasion, and served as the "Snark Empress" for the day. She was dressed in a lovely puritanical ensemble, fit for the 18 century farm girl. More on that later this week, as we do our first ever GMO CALENDER GIRL contest. But for now, we just want to bask in our own glory. We also want to acknowledge Chuck "chuckle Boy " Lasker, for being the amazing psychic that he is, and declaring that no one would ever read our blog. Gotta admire his Internet savvy and acumen, right people? Sign up for his advice, and your blog will be wallowing in the bottom feeder mire of the Internets for decades to come. If you want our success and business model, Chuckles, we will be oh so glad to share it with you. For a ginormous fee, of course. *winks*

We have a whole PILE of Chocolatey goodness to get through, kids, but first, our staff is pretty exhausted after having to pull together all of this data and crap. If you think this post is gonna be jsut Joan and Joni, The JJ Twins, it's not. ope we got chocolaty goodness of a whole new level!

That's right, a NEW Wahine bursting into the scene. Dr. Aina Yeap, that's right, yet another Hawaiian Non Hawaiian, that just LOVES to use the word "Aina". "Aina" is getting more play then aloha these days. Which is kinda good cuz we were sick of people using that word so much. We much prefer Aina to now be used as much as aloha, until it is meaningless mush pushed through the grinder of the grist of snark, and overdone, overcooked, and puleu'ed until it has lost all significant meaning at all.

So, Who is this Dr Aina? Well thanks be to GOD we have a REAL Journalist on Kaua'i. His name is Andy Parks. Yeah I know I know. Blow it out your ass, man, we LOVE this guy! He is like the Timothy Leary of Snark Bloggers man, the HOLY GRAIL, THE ORIGINAL GURU MAN! Joan is like, the Mother Superior Of Mushiness next to this guy. We seriously admire him. WHY? Cuz he reads comic books, and he can sniff out  a REAL snarkist a mile away. And he lives right next door to Joan. Now isn't that AWESOME!. But Maybe not, since Joan has apparently been getting SO RICH off of her blog, she can "Nosh" at JJ Broiler, and rub elbows with the Hoi Paloi, like 7 million term Rep James "Konane" Tokioka. It's real important to get that "Konane" in there, ya know. So, apparently over a wonderful lunch, *we aren't sure who paid, but we assume it was Joan, since shes the only one that's forking it in, according to her. Although  we do notice she stopped thanking people for donating to her blog lately. Maybe that is because she cannot predict who will join forces with whom. So she is having a real hard time dissing people now, because right when she disses one, they join forces with someone she was praising, like the UNHOLY alliance of Hooser and Mel. LOL You gotta love that crap. 

Don't know what we are yakkiing about? well, check out the posts below. 

Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Musings: Round and Round
The political season is in full swing, with signs and banners popping up like mushrooms in
cow pies after a warm spring rain.
And sometimes, they prompt similar mind-altering reactions. Like the surrealistic use of this
slogan, “Aloha in Action,” by Steve Yoder, the caustic, sovereignty-dissing 15th House District
GOP hopeful. Sure, Steve. If you say so.
Meanwhile, his Democratic challenger, Dylan Hooser, has picked a design that plays up the
family name, apparently banking on papa's perceived popularity, though it still remains to be
seen whether that ultimately turns out to be a benefit, or a liability. In any case, it doesn't carry
the same clout as, say, a Kawakami or a Kaneshiro.
Dylan is facing off against Rep. Jimmy Tokioka, who I ran into yesterday while having lunch at
Rob's. He was with Sen. Ron Kouchi, who told me the state had in fact ended up funding
eight new pesticide inspector positions. Jimmy said he'd never opposed the funding, it had
merely been his stance that if the counties wanted to pass laws they should be prepared to
cover the costs themselves, rather than looking to the Lege for funding.
Seems Sen. David Ige was the one who found the dough for the positions. Good thing he's
running for governor, and thus interested in currying the favor of neighbor islanders who are
convinced they're living in a toxic soup, though one created solely by the chemical/seed
companies. Because nobody else uses any poisons on these islands. Right?
Heard Sen. Clayton Hee ran a poll to see if he had a shot at guv. The pollsters floated various
scenarios: Ige vs Abercrombie, Hee vs Ige, Hee vs Abercrombie, and a three-way of Hee,
Abercrombie and Ige. And Ige kept coming up the winner. Though one politico compared Ige's
personality to three-day-old tako poke, bland may prove to be the tonic for voters weary of
Abercrombie's abrasive, antagonistic, Washington-style politics.
Locally, we've got Councilmen Mel Rapozo and Gary Hooser teaming up on Wednesday to
convince their colleagues to call for County Attorney Al Castillo's resignation by adopting a
resolution proclaiming the Council has “no-confidence” in him. Mmm, yeah, so who does? But
then we quickly get to the next question: Who else would even want that crappy job?
The resolution, which is totally non-binding, and thus legally meaningless, nonetheless serves
a powerful political purpose, providing convenient cover for a “bash Al day” in Council
chambers. Gary can rag on Al for not giving him the opinion he wanted re: Bill 2491, and Mel
can get in a few swipes about the Tim Bynum case.
Others with a wicked grudge against Al will also crawl out of the woodwork to avail
themselves of this opportunity to cast aspersions unchallenged on public access TV. It's kind
of like giving the mayor dirty lickin's by proxy. No doubt former Prosecutor Shaylene Iseri and
her loyal henchmen, Glenn Mickens and Ken Taylor, will each deliver their six minutes of froth

Andy Parks SMOKING GUN GMO COMIC BOOKS

ANDY PARKS BLOGPOST

Andy writes pretty clear, so we don't have to wade through a ton of crap to get his meaning on stuff. Bottom line is, what should be a good and beneficial program, is NOW being used by Monsanto, to infiltrate the heart and soul of the anti GMO movement, the kids. Yap, that's right. And the kids are telling NYAH NYAH NYAH! And the parents are SINCERELY NOT AMUSED.

Just to set the world, Monsant, and Dr. AIna straight, We, here are in possxession of one of the msot influential children of all time. You may have never heard of her. But she stopped the world. At 12 years old. Watch this. And then, Call everyone you know, and tell them to STOP indoctrinating kids with this program, and stop telling them that WHAT THEY BELIEVE IS WRONG! Honestly can you get more snarky then that? WE PUNCH BACK.

WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU NEVER WATCH ANOTHER THING EVER AGAIN!

IMMEDIATELY GET THIS VIDEO TO GO VIRAL *AGAIN*. DR AINA CAN TAKE HER STUPID GMO INDOCTRINATION PROGRAM BACK TO WHERE THE SUN AND THE BHT DON'T SHINE.

Now, after you start weeping at this amazing 12 year old girl, who has more sense in her little pinky then 50 "Dr Ainas, lets look at calling for FAIR AND EQUITABLE TREATMENT OF SCIENCE IN THE CLASSROOM. IF MONSANTO CAN HAVE Theirs HEY MAN THE OTHER SIDE SHOULD GET THEIRS. Only fair, right?

So how is poor Joan and the rest of the snarkist dealing with all of this complexity? Well first off, Joans last 4 blog posts have been rife with calling the kettle black. First she was against Mina, and gloating about how her and her husband got caught up in "charges", but then she wasn't. Because all those other guys didn't get cited jsut them. But then it was Ambercrombies fault. But wait doesn't she like Ambercrombie, because he made the voluntary 2491 thingie? yeah, she did. And she has been raggin on Mina. But then, she kinda softneed, But then she says shes not really. But then , she jumped around to something else, after trying the whole Hawaiian thing, *We will be making an entire blogpost of that tommorrow*. So, now, she is really confused. Seems as all of her ducks are not quacking the way she wants them too. Now, Joan, who is so obviously a vconservative, and not a dem, or whatever she calls herself politically, we jsut like to call her "Waffletoess", or "Weebles", cuz its fun and we like cute names like she does, she likes the "good ol boys" if it suits her blogging purposes, hated them if it doesn't but who is funding Joan now? I mean she cant ride on the GMO issue forever!

Remeber when Mel WAS her posterboy for truth justice and the American way? Now, she is apopolectic, because Mel is teaming up with Tim on a buill Yeap thats right to oust Castillo. Can this get any better? Nope. And then Felicia cowden entering the council race, And possibly Shaylene Iseri Carvalho will run as well, two women that Joan has broiled and roasted on her blog. Hmm, which will she choose, her hippy nemesis transplant, or her part Hawaiian sell out? We beleive she called Shaylene evil, and Felicia a drippy hippy. Nice. Very snarky.*we don't think that, that is Joans "assessment". We assume, since Joan wants to be such a local Hawaiian lover that she has to choose Shay since she is part Hawaiian, over Cowden. We cant WAIT to see what she cooks up on her blog about THAT one!

Joans goose is certainly cooked. But hey man, that's Karma. When you diss and snark people on a small island it sure does come back to bite you in da ASS!!

In other News, JONI MOANI, is proud of her dad winning an award for his military service. Nothing snarky or wrong with that. Except.,, she has to hook it to her dad being a Farmer. Now, he obviously didn't with the award because he farms GMO papayas.  Recall, as well, that JOANI and her pap don't live on Kaua'i either. They live on another island that does NOT HAVE SEED FARM OPERATIONS! And remember his freind died from GMO posoning in the 60's WE WILL BE DOING A SEPARATE BLOGPOST ON JUST THAT ALONE. But we did just want to bring up the hypocracy of trying to relate EVERGHYTHING to GMO's, even military service that happened LONG BEFORE there were any. Just sya a nice thing about your dads military service., Joani Moani, you DON'T HAVE to link it to GMO.

AND on a last SICKENING note, something that may have a LOT to do with Hawaii, but NOTHING to do with Joan, and EVERYTHING to do with manufactured processed chicken. FOSTER FARMS, yes foster farms, whom many of us have gulped and gulped form many kitchens all over Kauai, is now making poeple sick with salmonella across the nation. Best part is, they sure as hell aren't an organic operation. With all of the hype out there, especially coming from people like Joni, stating over and over how UNHEALTHY Organic food is, because of all of those nasty things it has on it because they aren't soaked in chemicals, here, we have one that IS. And, it still doesn't help. OUR ADVICE? Cook a lot of FOSTER FARMS if you like, but PULEU THAT SUCKA GOOD MAN! Then, invite all of your GMO ;loving friends over, to chow down with ya. Then, go kill a chicken in da yard, and cook that sucker up instead. Way better for ya!

HERE IS THE NEWSSTORY

SO MUCH FOR FEDERAL STANDARDS FOR DISEASE AND TOXICITY< HUH?

ANd, on that noite, we say aloha no!

Kaua'i Snarklectic Publishing Team

STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE!