Joan Conrow And The Best Snarky May Day Ever!

Joan COnrow....those eyes, those eyes...they can look right through you and turn you into a pillar of salt. Diabetics should particularly steer clear

You should be able to recognize her if you see her. Oh, wait a second, hang on.

There that's better. You may have to age this oen a few years more though to get the full effect.









Snark and pretty little birdies, a Happy Mayday from the Empress of Snark, the Queen of Mean, the Goddess of Diss, the Regina of Ragers, JOAN CONROW




While we, at Skarklectic were actually out participating in community events today, and frankly being fabulous and helping to support the Kaua'i Museum, like we do every year, Joan Conrow was out enjoying a Lovely May Day. True to form, her opening paragraph about beautiful birds, (Never mind that may day is about flowers NOT birds...hey she is eclectic, and why not be avante guarde. We thought it was awesome that she admitted she didn't know the names for some of them.

At first, We thought that Joan was going to do a non-snarky piece today. I mean, it woulda been nice to take a break, right? I mean, Joan loves to write all of these openings about birds singing, and suns rising, and clouds clouding, and flowers flowering. Right? Right"?


WRONG, you snarkie noobie! This is the EMPRESS of Snark we are talking about.

DO you REALLY think that snarker takes a holiday? NEVER you fools!

What we see is a woman desperate to find her place in the blogging world. I mean come on, Andy parks blog is higher ranked then Joans, and Juan Wilsons blog is actually one of the most well read blogs in the WORLD. Yes, people, in the world. No joke. But not in Joan's world. Nope. Continuing with her Theme of Mean, Joan reams the do gooders a new hole. SO, it seems hilarious that her hearts and flowers opening lines are usually followed by some bottom feeding snarkish chocolaty goodness, that has no other purpose but to come out the other end.

The GODDESS of Snark, Joan Rivers, who looks fabulous at any age. Joan and Joan could maybe get together over a cup of oh say whatever, and exchange skin care tips! (We ADORE Joan Rivers, and think she just personifies fabulousness, guts, spunk, hutzbah, and dark humour and snark better then anyone ever has in any century or trimezone ever!. Joan Conrow, meh not so much.)

*We sincerely hope that Joan Rivers is not offended by being on this blog, alongside Joan Conrow. We apologize. But not really.*

And this on "World Prayer Day", and "May Day.". yeap thats our Empress of Snark. Its why she is the Empress. Of course, no one can every pass Joan Rivers, but then she is in a league of her own, up there in the heavenly firmaments of the patron Saint of Snarkinsts. But then. Joan RIVERS snark we LOVE. MMM, Godiva chocolate. Joan CONROW is more like dry bittersweet chocolate baking chocolate without the sugar and butter added kinda snark.

SO, for mayday, Joan, ever trying to find her way on her blog, where she is loosing her little sheeple daily, as one by one everyone is deflecting the ranks, and people are at the point of trying to do interventions, which of course Joan continues to live in the River of DENIAL, because like most addicts, particularly those devoted to their own legends in their own minds they can't see the forest for the fields of Bht Corn. All Loan Cornrows can see is the donation button on her free blog site to keep her in GMO food, for fucks sake. Really seriously pathetic.


SO, today, in honor of a day that is supposed to be about aloha, Joan publishes the court files from the Bynum Case. Now, we agree that this is seriously delicious snark at its highest, and frankly we were pretty interested to actually see what it said. Joan is pretty good at digging up smarm on people. Only problem is she does a pretty good job of hiding exactly who she is, where she comes from, and what her actual experience is. SO far, all we can find out is that she has been a "free lance writer", who apparently had some college. We aren't sure what KIND of college, or where, or what. We would need to see some transcripts I think

But we are pretty sure she has never been arrested for anything,k or stolen anything, save her own soul, and sense of dignity, and she seems to be squeaky clean. But then, you know what they say about squeaky clean people. They can be dirty sometimes, because they don't need to bathe as often as the rest of us. But all in all, Joan herself is a mystery and an enigma.

Apparently on this island she has never really had to be out there with the rest of us rank and filed people. Apparently the other day she was gloating to Juan Wilson, a respected blog author and an actual writer, with another life that consists of a fulltime job, a farm, and now a home that is completely solar and off the grid, as she regaled him with tales of her taking a walk through an arboretum that day, and having a bit of a "busy day.".

Yeah, Joan, that's the kind of day the average Kauai citizen has. You know the 2491 supporter variety. Most of the 2491 supporters are just average rank and file working people that don't happen to work for the seed chemical companies. That is their HUGE crime according to Joan.

Frankly we would like to see her out there scaring crows. We think the crows would be terrified. In fact you could just put Joan out there to scare them all off, and save a bundle on hiring fees. We personally would LOVE to see Joan out in a taro patch trying to pull the average 40 BAGS a day BY HERSELF, that most taro farmers can. you, know the REAL farmers. Not the ones donating to Joan's blog. But then, as Joan says, clearly, "Donating won't buy you inoculation.". SO in other words, pay me bitches, I'm still gonna real you publicly. Which would be fine if she would just ream both sides. But apparently bitcoin is not all the same color to Joan. If its blue, somehow one manages to escape her ferocity. If its red colored, forget it sucker you ain't safe.

Of course when we look at the beauty of may day and the community events surrounding this week, we are so sure we won't be seeing Joan the Loamshark at any of them. And if we do, she will probably be hiding behind some GMO security team. Because Joan, somehow has become their best weapon. Good thing you read Kauai Snarklectic, because we put a face to the name, so if you love Joan, you can go and shake her hand and congratulate her on a job well done. If you don't like her, you can download a copy of her pic, take it with you, and scan the room. if you see her, be sure to sit on the far side of the room. Too close, and she might  decide to do an expose on YOU. Ignore her, and don't engage in any conversation we think is the best policy. Just slowly back away and run like hell.

Frankly we don't see why. I mean there are way better ways to get exercise. LOL

Now, on to Joan's Blog.


As usual, we like to actually show the faces of the people that Joan is kvetching and dissing and reaming. As we saw several blogposts ago, she was dissing on people who were for the most part born and raised on Kauai, and/or Native Hawaiian, and or actually belonged here. How, lets look at the latest players, in Joan's Happy Go Lucky may day frolics, shall we?

Here they are in no particular order, except that every single one of them is born on Kauai, is part Hawaiian, or mostly Hawaiian, and only one is not, but he did actually start and create the park facilities for the kids at Kamalani playground after Iniki, and has been a social worker. IE, someone who has actually held a paycheck job, unlike Joan, who as far as we can tell, her only job has been "freelance writing.". HE is now, a Councilman. Every [person in Joan's post, has a long standing record of service to the Island of Kauai, have held real jobs, and have actually contributed something to the island, and for the most part are quite educated, and intelligent. Their behaviors, some of them we aren't kvetching about. *Kvetching is our new word of the day, our staff decided this morning.). What we ARE Kvetching about is Joan's Kvetching about other people Kvetching about HER kvetching about other peoples Kvetching. Are you following that yet?

So, lets get to the pics: From top to bottom, Ian Co Kaipo Asing, Peter Nakamura, Shielah Miyake, Tim Bynum, Shaylene Iseri Carvalho

She exposes the Bynum affair for what it really is. Someone seriously fucked up, Bynum went for the jugular, and frankly after reading everything the big guy was totally deserving of the ruling he got.

Funny thing when you crap into the wind, you get a face full of crap sometimes. While trying to expose  something seemingly only God Joan could possibly have brought foreword, she actually proved herself horribly wrong and misinformed. Perhaps now, she will realize she has been like that for years.

But we doubt if.

Remember, don't press the donation button on her blog. the reason is because, she will have your personal information, phone number, address, and most importantly your credit card data possibly. Now we aren't sure if this is the case, but if she does have access to your information after you donate to her blog, I would be extremely cautious about donating anything to it. The reason being is because obviously, just looking at today's post, and her past comments that ":no one is free from inoculation...or whatever, ie bitch i will still expose your ass and ream you a new hole", and judging by how often Joan turns on her friends, acquaintances, and fellow Kauai citizens, and lambastes them when they don't agree with her, I would really think twice before making ANY donations to this blog.


*Her blog not ours*, oh wait a second, we don't TAKE donations, that's right!


Kauai Snarklectic publishing team